I forgive you.

There are times when I just wanna lay down and never get up.

I texted Jeordin today and it was actually kind of nice. I'm still not sure what she feels about me but she helped me open my eyes a little bit. I love that about her. How she can read someones emotions so well and just tell them to you. There are some people who hate to talk about things that hurt them because they are scared of realizing anything. I, am not this way. I'd rather know than not know because it will kill me if I don't. We started about how Morgan fucked me over and such and she explained to me how she felt about it. All of the words she said made me realize so many things and I promised myself that I would never forgive Morgan but I think now I can. I see now where she was coming from. I see why she did the things she did. Yeah, she did them in all the wrong ways but she did them because she has a heart and I didn't see this before. It makes me feel like crying because now I feel like a bitch. Jeordin said that the reason im always getting mad at her and talking to her is because im trying to hold onto her anyway I can. She's right. I didn't realize until now but whenever I try to be friends with her its only because I wanna be closer to her again. I get mad at her because I wanna be even more closer to her and I never realized this until now. I do believe that I am over her though. It seems to other people that I still love her and blahblah and they are right. I do still love her. But I don't love her as my girlfriend. I don't love her as someone who I want to be with. The last months of our relationship, im pretty sure I got very close to her. I felt like she was my best friend. She was my best friend. I miss her always being there for me. I miss having someone to tell all of my feelings to and she would actually care and listen. My friends now are hard to tell things to because I always feel like im bothering them. I never felt like I was bothering her. It might have been she was such a good friend because she was my girlfriend but I dont care. I dont even know how to explain this. Why can't I stop crying. I dont know. I just wanted to say I forgive you for the things I didn't see before.