Today I tried to bake little cakes. It lasted about 5 hours trying to make it all. After I was done making the cakes and icing and everything, I threw it all away and then went outside and cried. My mom didn't know I was out there and she locked me out which was pretty funny. I threw all the cakes away except one. I made this one really special and I put strawberrys on it and icing and I made it look all fancy and nice. I showed it to my mom and she said "That's nice." I don't know why but whenever I bake, I feel like her opinion is the only one that matters. When I made my first cookie and she told me how delicious it was I just wanted to make more and have everyone tell me how good they were. I love it when I make something and someone tells me that its really good. It's one of the reasons I love to bake so much. I want everyone to tell me how good it is because it makes me feel like i'm actually worth something, like I have a purpose. I don't know. I don't know why I keep crying. I wish I would stop though.
The circus is in town and I really wanna go. I have no one to go with though. The other day , Jon told me that if I died so many people would miss me. I got to wondering who would really miss me besides my family? Not many people would. I got to really thinking who's lives I really made a difference in and I don't think Ive actually made a difference in anyone's. Some day's I just wanna sleep forever. I think everyone feels that one once in a while. I hate when people come up to me and say "don't say that! everyone cares about you!". It makes me mad when I hear that because most of the people that say that are the ones that never text me. Never talk to me first. Never ask me to hang out or what i'm doing or if im okay or something. Never. Only one person has really been there for me and always asked me and always talks to me but that one person is one that I dont really want to talk to. I feel like I should talk to him and we should be best friends again or something but i'm tired of everyone betraying me. I'm tired of people taking my trust and breaking it. I don't want to do it any more. I just want to get away from everyone. I know he is trying his best to gain my trust back but I dont want to give it back to him. I know I should probably give him a second chance but I really don't want to. I don't know about anything but I think I feel better and I don't know what else to say. I forgot.
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