We're all so close yet so far apart.

I miss you.
Why does this happen? Why do I go a long time without thinking of you and then all of I sudden, I look at you and all the memories come back? I miss you so much. I miss all of the moments we had. I always over think this. I always look into it and just try to find a reason behind it like "oh, I only miss her because of the memories we had" blahblahblah. Why can't I just accept it? I love you. I still love you and probably always will. The problem is, I can't have you and probably never will. I hate when I see you and you make my heart go all sidsoidoso like it used to but you don't care. You don't even look at me anymore. I want that look that you used to give me back. Why am I even thinking like this? Its no use. You love her. She still loves her ex. and I love you.

Its a shame I have no friends. Today, I really felt alone. Jessica wasnt at school. We arent close anymore. I really do hate it. One thing I long the most for is that one bestfriend. That bestfriend that we do everything together and so much shit together. A bestfriend I can text all the time and we can laugh and have inside jokes. I want that so badly. I want that more than anything else.

I really wanted to go to prom. I look so ugly though. I hate how fat I am. I want to be skinny so bad and I know what I have to do, I just don't feel like doing it. I can't bring myself to not eat because I love food so much and I don't want to exercise because im lazy. Even if I lose weight I probably still won't be pretty. I wanted prom to be that one night I can get all ready for and I can feel like the prettiest girl in the world. I knew it wasn't going to happen this year which was why I didn't wanna go. Also, I didn't have anyone to go with. Going to prom by yourself is depressing. I wanted to have a bunch of friends to go with too. I don't have any friends. Jessica and Hayden were talking about all the stuff they were going to do for prom. I wanted to sit there and bawl my eyes out.

I stopped caring about everything. I thought I was depressed before but I think this is what true depression feels like. I just don't care. I stopped caring about my grades. I stop caring who likes me and who doesnt. I stopped caring who I hurt. I just wanna go to sleep. Forever and ever. Never wake up because in my dreams i'm who I wanna be. I have who I wanna have and I have a lot of friends who are always there for me and never make me feel so alone.